Finding out the cause of failure in raising children

Does any of us have the audacity to say that I have no history of losing it? Every day, every minute, every moment, we are defeated. It is not so easy to triumph over defeat. Defeat is our shadow. It is waiting for our weakest moment.

At that moment, the flames of defeat start burning. There is no doubt that if mentally we are not strong, we are indeed a victim of persistent failure. I am, in fact, constantly trying to win. But the success has been a mirage for the moment. We can console ourselves as defeat is a stepping stone to winning! But how do we get rid of the defeat of our personality for the moment? It feels like winning, but in another weak moment, I let myself down. We are in the illusion of being right. But as the mind matures, our misconceptions unravel, and the heat of constant defeat begins to sweep over us.

In the 90s, once there was a political debate at home between Dad and his friends. They are all supporters of one political party, and  I am the only one talking in favor of the opposite party. Of course, as a college student, I also shared my opinion. 

As the discussion went on, I said, "Is it right for me to hang in the banyan tree just because dad plated that tree? It was my mistake. I just said that word in a heated debate without thinking that my words may hurt DAD. It was just a simple proverb in Kannada insisting we see all the possibilities before deciding. Blindly don't follow what your elders say just because they are senior! But it was also not saying that what your elder did was wrong. I never thought about why Dad plated that banyan tree? What is its use? How can I use it? Is it beneficial or not? I, too, plant a banyan tree or not! All these questions never came to my mind.

Thought should not go in the same direction. Why did Dad plant the tree instead of wondering like this why I not thought how valuable is that tree? I thought I won the discussion, but today I realized that my father was correct and not me. The actual winner is my father and not me. I want to say to my Dad that you are the winner Dad and I agree with your opinion. But unfortunately, Dad is not there to hear me. On that day, Dad smiled and won. But I am constantly losing. When raising children, how arrogant we are! Continually comparing our children with others and saying our children are not like other children. We taught them discipline! We are proud, of course, not about our children but ourselves thinking that our way of raising children is correct.

That is where our defeat is hidden. We don't have to teach children discipline. They look at us as our way of living and learn the lesson of life from us. Instead of teaching or shouting at children, We must live a disciplined life. No need to tell them. They see and learn from us. Suppose they don't understand now, don't worry. Life teaches them as they grow up. If we teach them discipline by force, they may listen in fear.

But as they grow, their minds may lose control over this disciplined life and seek to fly with self-determined. In this movement, who is the loser? We, correct!

We are the losers. And the rage on the children will diminish the lovely bond between them and us. Even then, we are the losers.

As fathers and mothers, if our teaching way is wrong, we will be losers in performing our duty.

As parents, We have a question in our mind if a parent is not teaching children what is correct or wrong, then who else will teach them. These are all very subtle things.

We need to create a supportive environment for children to walk along the pathway. If not, It is my defeat! My Dad didn't shout when I spoke wrong. He just smiled. Now I feel his smile was more potent than shouting. Many times we got angry and beat the children. We need to show children a good culture, a way of behavior through our personality and not through restricting them or forcing them to follow what we say. We are unwittingly trying to steal their childhood. We try to justify ourselves by speaking to children that Doing all the work is for your good. These are just the reasons we give to hide our cruelty.

Show others that I'm winning as a father or mother; this is our atrocity on children. This kind of activity is our defeat.

How often do we feel that children should not scold them? But when the mad mind gets angry, all is forgotten. We made another mistake and lost. We expect our children to get above 90% in all subjects. But what did we score? Never think about it! What right do we have to put pressure on their little mind? As a parent, we must win, and for that, we need to build a supportive environment at home and in our minds before we can win. Only then can we protect ourselves from defeat.